the excruciating pressure of the moth

September 14, 2007 | Filed Under ordinary 

lights were flipped on in the early morning dim and dark and were still burning throughout the house even though the sky was yawning with the great morning and spitting out a gray light over the drear, the dank. the street, in stiff new stripes, watered last night at a time unknown, when i couldn’t fall back to sleep, listening to the irregular ping and splatter on the windows, the deck, the car, the street was staying busy with too many cars and trucks, busy about getting their days of work, the monotonous, the tedious, all the more so on a morning like today’s.

yesterday it was gray, too, cloudy and promising. we spend much of it with melanie and her boys, the trampoline for bouncing, toys we’ve never seen before, donut glaze dried to fingers for the licking. it’s hard to say no to such things.

we thrifted a bit today, the creepy coming out for october costuming. we buy a scary mask after jude chases the clerk through the store while wearing it. i like thrift stores early in the day when no one is there. i like to be places when other people aren’t there yet. another early thrifter was there buying bolts and bolts of upholstery fabric. i tried not to think that getting everyone buckled in, unbuckled and out, not to mention dressed and fed and watered, is what prevented me from filling my own cart with fabric before this frizzy haired and unshowered woman could do so. she was not held up by love and chaos as i was and, one day, this will be me, early and fabric-lucky with a quiet house and time and space to finish sewing projects of all kinds. will there be dandelions given to me then? and someone whose favorite thing in the world is to try to beat me at endless games of checkers? sometimes it’s hard to be content with this life, days lined up like dominoes, falling in the same way with the same clicking sound into the next and the next.

Comments